And when I look back..

Life is like a book: what matters is how good it is, not how long it is.

All my life I was the little Alice in wonderland, falling down the rabbit hole hesitantly towards one adventure after the other.. living the reality out of my twisted imagination..

Today I feel, maybe I am just the queen of hearts..

Who liked to celebrate her birthday backwards.

The Excess Baggage

Packing has always been a painful experience for me. Somehow my judgment of things is just not as critical as my judgment of people.. If packing was a trade, I would certainly be at the topmost level, of sucking at it.. for there's a thin line between the stuff that you want in your life and the stuff that you actually need..

And I just keep losing track of which side I am on.. Cause for me, what I want.. is what I need... So what if it's just for the sense of assurance that it's right there within reach if ever I need it..

So when today I sat out to pack for my trip back home, the memories of my last very sad visit to the airport came back haunting me and it got me thinking.. How much of your life can you pack.. in 20kgs?? Few clothes, basic necessities, a good pair of shoes.. is all that you need to carry, from your past? And is it all that you want?

There's been a joke in my family about me being a junkie.. quite in a literal sense for my inclination towards turning every place I go to into a Junkyard. There was a time I would pick up every interesting looking thing from all over the roads and put it carefully in my own kingdom of dump collection. Later it was books, articles, newspaper cut outs that I would never read again.. Letters, Gifts & Cards from people I would never meet again.. Clothes & shoes that I would never wear again..

And then there was time I had to leave home & everything behind to live my life out of a 20 kg luggage. And in no time this 20 would turn into 60 and I would be standing on crossroads of a dilemma- what to take & what to leave?

And then I learnt my first important lesson.. there's nothing you can hold on to forever.. Some day you have to let go.. Dispose of certain things to make room for others..

Seven years later.. I can not help but wonder if there's a 20 kg limit applicable to people in your life too? Is it true that when you are going to a new place, not only you pack your stuff.. but you try to pack people as well.. the ones you want to stay with you forever? And like we keep accumulating stuff over the years behind that closet, do we also accumulate the carcasses of our relationships, the memories of good times & the bad times behind a little corner in our minds..? And at what point in your life, does it cross the limit of allowed baggage? And what exorbitant price if you may, would you have to pay.. for the excess baggage??

I might never know the answers to these questions..

I might never know when to stop buying stuff I do not need or to stop loving people that are not there anymore..

I might never know if accepting the truth was a right thing to do.. or should I have fought harder..

I might never know when will I stop hoping.. or if I have already stopped..

But what I know is.. Life is not that bad... And even when nothing we would ever achieve would be able to replace what we have lost along the way.. the friends, the confidantes, long phone calls, late night chats, tears & laughter, lucky mugs,  wit & humor, curiosity, compassion, ability to love, or that feeling of trust and belonging...  We still have the capacity to be happy with our own selves and our 20 kgs of baggage.. for good things are waiting to happen to all of us.. We just have to make room for them.

And clear out the excess baggage..

Pain..

I'm not good at writing about pain. I'm not good at reading about it either. Yet, it's just pain that I feel these days. And I'm tired of waiting. Tired of waiting for that perfect idea that would transform into a perfect piece of writing to give me that creative satisfaction which I so wrongly long for. Tired of keeping myself busy with all the things that don't matter. Tired of these tiny notches of useless thoughts clouding my mind all day and vanishing just the moment I sit to write, to have me wildly searching for anything.. any word.. any damn thing.. Like now.. Like everytime I try to write..

I'm yet to encounter a feeling more painful than repeatedly trying to succeed at something and failing. Of course there's one at nights when you feel your life is going nowhere. One where you so desperately want to speak to someone and have nobody to call. One where you feel so terribly alone and inconsequential to this world. The one where you are desperately trying to hold onto things which are slipping by in front of you knowing very well there's nothing you can do about it.. One where you muster the courage to give something your best shot only to see it falling to pieces, making you feel like a loser. And the one where you are lying in your bed tightly hugging your pillow hoping that someone would come and hug you just as hard and for a moment all this would stop mattering.

This one moment when you don't want to fight anymore.. you just want to be, saved.

It's time.

Yes. The time has come.
I am going to write again.

The God's little Angel...

She opened her eyes
to a world of fairies,
dancing mermaids and
never ending magic..
Pure and innocent..
She was God's little Angel.

She sailed across the seas
playing with dolphins,
making castles in the sand and
marking her territory..
Ever exuberant..
She was God's little Angel.

She made friends out of strangers
with her delightful smile,
leaving them overjoyed and
enamored with her innocence..
lovingly flamboyant..
She was God's little Angel.

She was met instead with a
world of unkindness,
which broke her heart and
laughed at its pieces..
Aching to be loved..
She was God's little Angel.

She shed many an unseen tears
over her shattered dreams,
But she embellished in her pain and
wrote beautiful poetry..
aloof yet alluring..
She was God's little Angel.

She sure wasn't the kind
to drown in self pity,
who could give up on life and
kill the love she had inside..
knowing and determined..
She was God's little Angel.

So she gathered her clipped wings
tended them with care,
Lifted her chin up and
slowly started to fly again..
scared yet impassioned..
She was God's little Angel.

And now she still spreads love
wherever she goes,
rubbing off her charm on others and
touching lives of everyone..
She sure has a magic wand..
For she is God's little Angel.

For Umang, on her Birthday.

The demons within..

Of all the challenges life throws your way,
of all the fights you'll ever be in..
The ones you'll have with your own self,
are going to be the hardest to win..

For there are times when it's not the world..
piercing your soul with its ruthless eyes..
It's when you seem worthless to your own self,
that a thousand tears your heart cries..

Those days when everything seems to go wrong..
forcing you to question your might..
How is it when your own reflection tells you,
You are not good enough, not bright..

The times when it's you pulling yourself down..
deliberately holding onto your pain..
When you decide not to take the next step,
scared that you might fall again..

Tell me, what are you going to do..
When you turn out to be your biggest foe?
You might run away from the whole world but,
how far from yourself will you be able to go?

The despair which sets in,
like a ferocious beast out on prowl..
Feeding on shattered pieces of your spirit,
Priding itself on a murder most foul..

If only we could kill just as easily,
the demons dwelling in our heads..
The way our parents shoved away,
the ghosts hidden under our beds..

Happy Valentine's Day!

When love is real.. and hearts are true..
Every day becomes valentine's for you.. no? ;)

I do not believe in these celebrations.. but still.. I do believe in love of those who do..


So, to those.. who are in love...
and to those, who once were..
To those.. who believe in love..
and to those who do not..
To those.. who are expecting flowers & chocolates at their doorsteps..
and to those.. who will be paying for them.. :D
To those.. who are unsure of their feelings..
and to those.. who are scared of letting these feelings known..
To those.. who have a special someone..
and to those.. who do not..
To those.. who want to have their love last forever..
and to those.. who had it once and lost..
To those.. who'll be having candle lit dinners tonight..
and to those.. who'll be watching romantic flicks on their couches.. alone.. ;) :D
To those.. who'll be celebrating their commitment today..
and to those.. who'll enter one..
To those.. who'll send each other dark red cards.. :D
and to those.. who'll hide their love notes under their pillows.. ;)
To those.. who are waiting for someone special to come along..
and to those.. who are scared of being loved..
To those.. who'll be together walking hand in hand..
and to those.. who'll be connected only through their feelings..

Here's wishing you all, a Very Happy Valentine's Day..

And for the rest... Time for us to treat ourselves..
To give ourselves a gift, no one else could give us..
"Let's begin.. to love ourselves, before anyone else.."

Of a love long lost & Memoirs of a Geisha

I wonder if it often happens to people, when they develop an inexplicable aversion towards the things they like doing the most. Whether it is because these activities stop providing us with that pleasure over the years or because over this long while.. we are not the people anymore what we used to be. I certainly don't know..

When I look back at the time when I used to read almost anything I could get my hands on, I wonder why don't I derive such joy out of reading anymore. But every once in a long while, when I stumble upon a book which I'm actually able to finish.. I wonder if it's me who's reading the book.. or is it the book which is making me read it.

Memoirs of a Geisha.. is more than just a fascinating narrative of the life of a Geisha, as the critics claim. It certainly isn't about a life which was unusual. It's also not about unusual characters. The strength and also the essence of the book is the fact.. that behind the intriguing grandeur and subtle darkness of the subject.. lie simple people led by simple emotions in rather unusual circumstances.

The major reason which makes the book gripping however, remains to be author's entrance into a territory rather unknown & fascinating just because of its outlandish & foreign appeal. For the people who love traveling & exploring new places & new culture, the book is indeed a visual treat in some ways.

The transformation of little Chiyo chan to Nitta Sayuri covers most of the book.. while the events later on are wrapped up rather fast, especially the ending which rather looks hurried & extremely tasteless. A little girl from a little fishing village who was sold off by her father to a life of loneliness & misery.. after fighting the ordeals of pain, separation, uncertainty and suppression goes onto become a prominent Geisha.. led by a mysterious encounter with a stranger. That display of kindness actually charted her whole life and all the major events in the book. . However, the magnitude of the passion which that event ignited is rather indigestible at many occasions. But you have to give such leeway to fiction, I guess.

All the characters have this mysterious intriguing nature about them. You often wish you could know more about them & wonder about their points of view. But, the character of Mameha as Sayuri's mentor & Nobu as her suitor were the most touching. Mameha with her grace & Nobu with his crude gentleness & affection never fail to make an impression. And there's something about Pumpkin which grows onto you.

The narrative is simple & sans too much unnecessary clutter. Even when it's in the form of memoirs.. it lacks the mundaneness and innate self gratification surrounding an autobiography. It's just like somebody talking to you about the major events of his/her life. And here the author takes the cake.. and the accolades.

Triggered by the appetite for reading which was since long dormant.. I'm reading the Divine secrets of the Ya-ya sisterhood now. And I'm not liking it one bit. And I again wonder.. whether it's a good reader that makes a good book or a good book brings out a good reader in us.

Well, I'll never know.

Little food for thought..

" You know why are you so alone!" She said to him in sheer exasperation.

" Coz, you don't let anyone come close.."

"And you know why are you so alone..?" he asked smiling.


"Coz.. you do. "

Of boredom and a khoya khoya chand..

A lazy afternoon in one of the oldest halls in India..
Lots of empty seats, and lots of desperate & not so desperate couples..
Movie starts rolling and you are glued to the screen like you are sleeping with your eyes wide open..
As the movie progresses, hush hush about how boring the flick is becomes as prominent as the dialogues..
Finally people around you start to get up and leave the hall in between..
Sonia gives a chuckle in between her yawns and waves her hand in front of my yet wide open eyes suspecting I went into a trance..
"So, how did you find the movie?", she asks grinning..
"Ummm... It depends, you know it's like.."
"why don't you straightaway say it was boring?", said a friend back home.

There could be many reasons behind someone liking a movie not everybody likes.. For one, it could be because you are a weird person with weird tastes.. or maybe cause the plot interests you no matter how poorly it's presented.. or like in my case.. you are more in awe of the emotions behind and in the film than the film itself.. More than being engrossed you are just fascinated..

Coming back to "Khoya khoya Chand", it's a good portrayal of vintage cinema, if not one of the best.
I'm not much into learning about the muck in film industry, the casting couch, the exquisite dresses, the liquor, pseudo intellectualism and its display in filmy parties..
But the tale of hope and broken promises, struggle to keep your pride and seeing it bite dust in front of your eyes, lies, deception, the two faces, love, hate, success, downfall, frustration, the giving up, the coming back.. isn't it what makes the plot of picture of every profession, heightened probably in the Page 3 world?

When you see the nubile Nikhat(Soha) looking sheepishly behind the curtains at the shooting of a song, you see dreams..
When you see the superstar Prem Kumar(Rajat Kapoor) displaying his genius off the camera, you see power..
When you see the fearless Zafar(shiney Ahuja) blatantly mocking the stereotypes, you see fire..
When you see the omnipresent Sharmal(Vinay Pathak) standing up for Zafar, you see friendship..

The story revolves around these four characters.. and in the second half you see how they go about losing everything they achieved.. changing circumstances.. changing people..

When you see tears rolling down the eyes of Zafar making a film of his dreams on his life, you see passion..
And when you see the smile on his face when this film bombs at the box office, on people asking him how hew felt on seeing his film being turned down by everyone, you see pain..
When you see him asking his girlfriend to aid him in getting producers and lashing at her on her refusal, you see weakness..
And when you see him crying in front of his woman, saying he can't take it anymore, you see what failure does to people.. and how difficult it is to hold on..

When you see Nikhat becoming a puppet to everyone she cared for, you see the price of success.. and of love..
When you see her succumbing to drinking and finally see her downfall, you see that nothing is forever..
And When you see the look in her eyes when she surrenders herself to the man she loved, you see hope.. you see redemption..

And when you are able to see that in a flick that seems to be lasting forever.. that means two things.. One, the act put up by the actors was too good.. two, you are thinking too much lately.

I slept while watching "Hazaro khwahishein aisi..", maybe because I was too tired.. or bored.. don't know. :D So can't really comment on Sudhir Mishra. Though I feel bad about it now. For a fraction of second when Om shanti Om flashes through your mind.. you see the clear difference.. of portrayal..
But then there were some things.. like it being too long..(or it just seemed to be.. don't remember) lousy last half an hour.. and a script going haywire.. which spoiled the essence of the film. Sets are beautiful.. one of the most impressive works in cinematography that I've seen in recent times. A good sketch of the cinema in 60s. Not magnanimous but yet appealing. Lovely songs and nicely placed.

Surprise package of the film is Soha.. looking gorgeous.. looking graceful.. vulnerable and her diction.. It's funny, how these stars can't speak a line of hindi without an accent off the camera and how flawless they are in front of it. I guess, that's what acting is all about..

Oh, how was the movie..?
You see, it depends..
on what you see in it..

Sin

.

The greatest sin that I ever committed.. was against - Myself,


The day I stopped asking.

Added later: Do read the comments to this post.

I won't surrender..

However beaten it may be,
You can't keep it under..
My soul's not for keeps,
It just won't surrender..

You said I won't survive,
In your world I don't belong..
You thought I would crumble,
That I was just not that strong..

Every time I rose to fly,
You tried to tie me down..
In shallow waters of mediocrity,
You wanted me to drown..

You mocked my innocence,
laughed at my wide-eyed dreams..
you painted my world black,
When I was looking at violets & greens..

The innocence is now gone,
& I don't dream any longer..
But the desire to hold on,
Has only become stronger..

I know I made mistakes
Infact I still do..
But never will I let again,
Myself be led by you..

Though I'm yet to prove myself,
Am not scared of you anymore..
I know my moment will come,
The one I've been waiting for..

So no matter how many times I fumble,
On this road, I'll keep walking..
For there, right behind my door,
I can see happiness knocking..!

Me against the world.. or me against myself..
Against whom the fight is.. I wonder..
But I know I'll win at the end..
for till then, I just won't surrender..

Of bicycles & tags..

Once upon a time.. when I was a kid.. ;) I used to ride a ladybird..(The bicycle silly! ;) ) For years I pedalled away to glory.. falling on rails to falling on roads, falling in mud to fracturing my bones.. and I became an expert.. at falling.

Few years later.. when I was a proud owner of a well shattered scooty, thanks to my expertise in "falling", a new bicycle was brought home for my younger sister.
"Can you still ride one?" asked my mom.
"Ahuh? I don't know, I can't. It's been years since I rode one."
"Come on. You can. People who once learn to ride, never forget. And you were so good. Get up, give it a try."

After some more nudging, frowning and raised eyebrows, I finally got up & took the seat. My mom gave me a reassuring smile. Two 360 degrees revolution of the damned wheels, n I fell flat on the floor! I didn't touch the thing again.

Today, when I was given this tag by not one but two of my greatest chums, I felt quite the same way as when I touched that cycle.. for after months of absence from the blogging scene, I was sure that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't write again.. So, after some nudging, frowning, raised eyebrows and you-were-so-good speech, I'm ready to ride again.. and to fall. :)

Umang, Neel n Nikki, this crap is for you! :-*

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.

There's a 3 inch long 2 inch wide scar on my left arm which I have from the time I had just started to sit. It was when my little, ingenious self found an interesting gaming partner in a container containing boiling milk. Rest is left to the imagination. :P Doodh ki jali hui hoon.. isiliye chhachh bhi fook fook ke peeti hoon.. :P :P

2. What does your phone look like?

Like a happy happy pet in the company of a large hearted & loving owner. Takes an hour to accept the enhancement.. has fallen a hundred times.. doesn't ring at its own will.. battery keeps on trying to fall out.. stickers are gone.. has to be hit on wall to make its speakers work.. body's a little..ehm.. These things kept aside.. my babyy is just doing fine. :)

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?

You mean here in hostel? Nothing, a sick white paint & we have green doors you know, to give us the hospital feel. They are actually making doctors out of engineers. ;) We aren't allowed to put anything on the walls so as to not to blemish the fair n lovely texture of the walls. I once made a friend gift me a king size poster of Will smith on my birthday which I put up behind my room's door so that no one finds out, real fun was when once I heard hush-hush n giggling sounds coming from my room, barging in to find 4 maids crowded near it like school girls. Has to be one of the funniest incidents of my life!
At home.. it's the paintings I made.. on the walls. I'm good with brush.. really. :P

4. What is your current desktop picture?

A Ganesha wallpaper it was before the CPU was sent to a hardware shop a month ago from where it hasn't yet returned.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?

Yes. Every human being has a right to love, be loved and consummate that relationship into marriage with anyone he/she chooses to.

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

A watermelon. :P
Okay, patience and will power to stick to & finish anything I start.

7. What time were you born?

Sometime between wee hours of the morning and midnight.
That's how my mom remembers it. ;)

8. Are your parents still together?

Yes. They are. Still together n still young n still in love n still the best of friends n still incompatible. ;)

9. Last person who made you cry?

Abhishek Bachhan.. when he got married.. ;)

10. What is your favorite perfume / cologne?

I'm the kind of person you'll find with almost 6 bottles in her hands asking the little dark shopboys, "Bhaiyya, in mei se kaun sa sabse achha hai??" :-P A few years ago, had found one particular fragrance suiting my persona, I absolutely loved the tester. The company went out-of-business the next day. Stopped using Johnson's baby powder when someone said "Tum ab tak baby powder lagaati ho?" :- Now I just keep on experimenting with talcs n stuff. Using fa these days n Kind of love Amitabh bachhan lomani.

11. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like in the opposite sex?

Pink! I have a thing for guys with pink hair n purple eyes. D'oh!

12. What are you listening to?

The voices.. inside my head. :)

13. Do you get scared of the dark?

No. Can't say the same for dark though. ;)

14. Do you like pain killers?

It's like asking a student like me a night before exam- "Hey you, do you like books?" Ofcourse, I don't. But I'll still pick them up if I want to pass. If the pain becomes unbearable, I'll take one. Otherwise, why bother.

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

I often wonder if shyness is actually an euphemism for fear of rejection or for pride.
In either case, yes.

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

Dominoes' cheese burst Pizza with the free garlic bread & cheese dip.

17. Who was the last person who made you mad?

Never mind! I get angry too easily and too often.

18. Who was the last person who made you smile?

VJ & KS, when they promised me two temptations.. Yippee!! :D :D :D

19. Is someone in love with you?

Someone knows better! ;)
Jokes apart, I seriously think our pet turtle is in love with me.. Everytime I go home n take it out of water to play it curls itself up inside its shell out of shyness.. He's pretty cool with everyone at home, but as soon as I pick him up n hold him upside down.. it just refuses to face me.. Dunno why! :">


Phew!! Finally done & over with! Damn, am I talkative? :D
Okay I pass on this tag to Paras. Rest anyone can take up this tag if you have lot of idle time like I do.

All in the name of love...

I guess am jinxed... Coz People around me keep falling in love.. :D
n sadly... out of it...

I'll be honest.. I don't understand love.. atleast, not the way these people do.. My understanding is limited to what I've seen through their eyes.. n what I've felt.. through their pain..

This poem goes out to them.. n to all those who loved n love.. Their experiences in my words.. Being one eternal optimist, I hate to admit it.. But I know.. it's all true.. :)

When your heart aches for no reason,
& you feel your life stinks,
When happiness looks elusive
& your eyes well up with tears..

When you start shrinking from the world
& you think no one would understand,
When all you do is daydream
& stare at the phone since it last rang..

When you are everywhere yet nowhere
& night forces you to sleep,
When all pleasures look shallow
& something cries within you deep..

When you find yourself helpless
at the way things are going,
When you lock yourself up in your room
While whole world's out enjoying..

When everything reminds of someone
& you start to lose your focus,
When melody loses a meaning for you
& everything tests your patience..

This is the dark side of love
Don't go by its name,
Love's not always beautiful
as some lucky ones might claim..

For sometimes it leaves your heart
with so profound a pain,
That every wordly pleasure
to you looks mundane..

All I want to say is that
Give your heart away with care,
for no matter how many years go by
The scars are always there!!

Back to basics..!

Finally.. I'm here..
It's been really long since I last wrote.. But, it's not the reason for me to write today..
I'm not writing coz at this moment I don't have anything better to do..
You see, am lying cozily in my bed.. & I can doze off at any moment I want..
I have a novel to finish since ages, & I can finish it..
I've got a lot of home assignments to take care of from class..
I can also scheme a bank robbery in my head, which could possibly make me very rich..
I can philosophise about ways of the world n feel pity for those who don't like chocolate.. :D
I can look back upon my life & try to remember what I was doing at this time of the day 3 years ago.. ( I was sleeping probably, but still...!!!)
I can think about my future & guess what I'll be doing at this time of the day 3 years from now.. ( I'ld be sleeping probably, but still...!!!)
I can think about who should I blackmail to go to a lousy movie with me a week before exams.. & work upon the grounds as to what do I blackmail with..
I can lie down & stare at the ceiling n practice hypnotism on Mosquitoes.. 'Don't bite me..' 'Go bite Paris Hilton' or better still.. 'You are not a mosquito..You are Paris Hilton..'
I can try being creative n write an essay on.. "If I were a lamp-post.." or "If I were a stiletto.." or "If I were a Motorbike.." or better still.. "If I were all these things...say, a motorbike wearing stilettos under a lamp-post.." :D
I can wonder about how long would it take for me to burst if I had a hot chocolate fudge every other day..
I can try to mentally calculate what will be the 76.345% of 187th part of the product of the cubes of first 38 natural numbers raised to the power 4999..
I can make a list of all the movies I've watched more than twice,all the movies I haven't watched more than twice,all the movies I can watch more than twice,all the movies I can't watch more than twice..all the movies I.. :D
I can start writing my own bestseller on.. "How to waste time in 1000 most efficient ways.."
I can look for things I've lost in my 3 yr stay in the hostel.. and if I find them, keep them in a place where I can't find them again..
I can make a list of all the people I want to kill, take voodoo lessons online n kill them.. *eeeehaahaa haa*
I can make a fake id, go to a regional chat room, bad mouth at everyone & run away..
I can clean my room.. *yawwwwwwn...*
I can go downstairs & make all girls unable to watch ekta kapoor's serials for tomorrow by cutting the cable's wire from a place where no one can find out..
I can go to my sleeping friends' room, pick up their cellphones from near their heads,exchange their sims or I could just change the phone numbers of their guy pals n ENJOI in the college tomorrow..
Or I can wake them up at this hour, blame them for stealing my cell phone n then photograph the look on their faces with it..
I can call up all my friends n tell them that I've been kicked out from the hostel for bad behaviour & now I've no place to lodge in,n start crying.. n then when they are about to say anything... yell.."BELATED April fooooool...!!!!" /) :D
I can prepare for the presentation I have tomorrow.. or for the one which is 3 days later..
I can go stare in the mirror n tell myself.. "I'm a well disciplined person.I know how to manage my time efficiently.I'm a competent n hardworking person.I'm a very sweet girl.I'm charming n polite.I never get angry.I'm very patient & diligent.I hate sweets & I hate chocolate fudges.I study regularly.I....."
I can go to market n buy a feviquick to fix the broken stylus of my cell, so that I don't need to use my nails to operate it..
I can do planchette n call spirits n ask them, when will I become the President of USA..
I can write fan mail to Will smith :inlove:
I can reply to my fan mail.. :"> :P
I can sketch portraits... of myself.. :P
I can make an effort to introspect n find out why I'm the way I am.. get depressed.. n promise myself to do something about it.. from 1st of the next month..
I can think.......... about anything I wish..!

So you see.. I have the potential & the freedom to spend my time in whatever way I wish to..
But then, why have I dragged my super lazy ass to write this super shitty piece of crap.. ?


-- For the heck of it!! :D



PS: There's a big difference between everyone's --> *I can do*, *I will do* n *I have done...*. Period. :)

Pebbles on the Seashore...

I started out to think.. that this is my story..
But when I moved on further I realised that it's not..

No poem belongs to one person.. n this is the most beautiful thing about poetry.. In few words, it can capture the lives & sentiments of many..

This is strange how everyone shares this element of similarity even while juggling with one's own uniqueness.. How everyone wants to blend in.. This poem is nothing but an idea.. a thought blended into rhyme.. you might have felt the same at some point of your life.. or you might have seen this idea somewhere else.. in someone else's words.. But, the core remains the same.. n It always will be n that is..

You are Unique.. just like everyone else.. :)

I've flowers blooming around me
& birds flying high in the sky,
There's so much to be happy about
but still I find myself so dry..

As the world moves swiftly in front of me
I'm standing here all alone,
Thinking if it will lose its pace
When I will be dead & gone..

Will I be remembered with love
like the essence of a breeze,
Or will I be forgotten
the way leaves wither away from trees..

Will the winds stop blowing
Will the rainbow lose its charms,
Will the sky miss me standing below it
Opening wide my arms..

Will the sun reduce its intensity
Will it stop shining bright,
Will the stars & the moon miss me too
gazing at them at night..

Will the earth stop spinning for a moment
& notice my absence,
For all I did was to live a life
without making any difference..

For I lived like a stubborn tide
crashing at random places,
Trying to embrace anonymity
scared of my different faces..

Tried to suppress my individuality
wanted to get lost in the crowd,
Always trying to keep them happy
while my own soul cried out loud..

I always tried to become
what others wanted me to be,
In pursuit of their love
I stopped loving real me..

When the truth basked upon me
like a sudden blow,
I broke into a hundred pieces
Didn't know where to go..

But life's not meant for crying
for nurturing hurt & pain,
With a new sense of purpose & hope
My new journey began..

When bad times come to break you
It's only to strengthen your core,
Coz no matter how tall a rock stands
It has to turn into pebbles to reach the seashore...

Life's tough!!!!!

There are somethings in life..on which no matter how much you ponder..you never get answers..Like..I could never understand why my family & friends think I'm naughty..coz the truth is..I'm not at all naughty..yeah,maybe a little destructive..n a little clumsy..but that's it..I'm NOT naughty!

I mean..What is this...If something breaks at home,my parents think it's me..If appliances start acting weird,they think I'm behind it...If phone bills skyrocket,they think it's me..If something's wrong with the computer,My bro thinks it's me..n If there's noise in the lobby at 3'oclock in the night,they won't think that a burglar might have broken in,they'll call out my name..:

& my friends?They get blank calls,they think it's me..(JS&VJ!)They start getting weird messages from a friend,they think it's my brain behind them(Vj again!)They start getting love ecards by the names of the classmates they hate,they think it's me!(HS!rmbr pulasto?)They won't give me their gf's numbers coz they think I'll call them & tell them about their previous affairs(BK!)They wont tell me about their crushes coz they think I'll kill them,teasing them!!& If I pay them a surprise visit & call them to meet me,they think I'm playing a prank & dont show up!!!(Vj,VA,Mr,KS,US!)

Now,isn't That heights!!!I mean,come on guys,give me a break!!

Yeah,fine..I blew up the Inverter 3 times,but that was by mistake!How Am i supposed to know we shouldnt use Iron,cooler & heater on Inverter???

Yeah..okay..We got a phone bill worth 7000 bucks for 2 months once,but I swear I didnt do anything!!How am I supposed to know that Reliance has 30 Rs. per hour as their Internet charges??And anyway..Do you expect me to be using Net thaaaaaaaaaaat much???Come on!!!!

& well..yeah..I'm awake at 3 at times,but I dont disturb anyone's sleep knowingly..Infact,I don't switch on the lights purposely,so as to not to disturb anyone..Now when it's so dark,I accidentally collide with things & they fall!!& very very accidentally I step on our dog's feet & he shrieks at the top of his voice!!Now is it my fault???Why does he have to be so black??& why does he have to sleep at the places I walk on?

& blank calls..come on!All I did was to send some 20-30 messages to HS & some 30-40 missed calls to JS from my new number..BIg dEAL!!I never sent messages & crank calls to VJ!!
Okay,I sent some ecards to KG under someone else's name but I had nothing to do with the ones sent to HS!

And that day..I had actually come to malls to meet you guys.Fine..I was lying when I called you to sahara..& When I asked you to come to Dts,I was lying then also..BUt how could you not believe me when I had asked you people to come to metros..??Yeah,okay..I was lying then too..coz all this while I was sitting in the food court near PVR sipping kesar lassi..;)But what If I wasn't lying????& I got you people to talk to my bro to show my honesty & you guys said I asked I threatened some passer by to do that for me!!!Come on guys,how low can you people fall??& all that when we had parked our car just in front of yours!!!Shame on you guys!!!;)

And,as far as teasing is concerned..You tell me VA,Did I ever tease you by the names of all the guys you have ever spoken with in 3rd year????& VJ Did I ever tease you by the names of TM,VA,KS,US,MR,SV,SP,AS???& MR Did I ever ask youwhat's M into M & did I ever mention brown shirt in front of you???

As if all this wasnt enough..My sister says I'm a devil in a buffalo's body..just because I..........D'oh!!!

Sigh...Trust me guys..when you have friends n family like mine..

Life's tough!!!;)

Aaj fir dil pareshan sa hai..

Ajeeb si uljhan mei fansaa hai,
Aaj fir dil mera pareshan sa hai..

Aasmaan ko chhoona chahta hai,
khul kar saans lene ka armaan sa hai..

Apno mei hai,fir bhi kitna akela hai,
Apne hi ghar mei jaise mehmaan sa hai..

jaan ne toh chala hai har kisi ko par,
Khud hi se dekho,anjaan sa hai..

Jaane kaunsi shikayat hai isko,
dhadak kar,kar raha jaise ehsaan sa hai..

Is khamoshi se darr lagne laga hai,
aane wala koi toofan sa hai..

Ho gaya hai tanhaaiyon mei gum,
Aaj fir dil ka jahaan veeran sa hai..

Ajeeb si uljhan mei fansaa hai,
Aaj fir dil mera pareshan sa hai..

For you..My FRIEND..

This is for all my Guardian angels..My lovely friends..
Each n everyone of whom's special..
However,these are only words..;)
n I advise you to not to take them seriously..:P


When despair surrounds you
& you see darkness everywhere,
Don't call for me,
'Coz I'll be already there..

When you are loosing the hope
& tears roll down your cheek,
I'll wipe them off your eyes
& will never let you feel weak..

When the momentum's killing you
& expectations are too high,
Together we'll crush your problems
& bid them Good-bye..

When you need a shoulder to cry on
I will come n lend you mine,
& I'll keep holding your hands
Till everything's fine..

So don't you worry baby
Just give me your hand,
I wont let tides take you away
The way they wipe names off the sand..

I don't know where the time'll take us
Dunno where the life's roads'll bend,
All I know is,for as long as I live
You'll always have in me - A FRIEND!

Of Moon & Me..

Have you ever looked at the moon
on a star studded night?
How it stands apart..
from all the stars shining bright..

When you gaze unfazedly
at the enchanting beauty it owns..
Do you ever look for the tears
behind the charming face it dons..?

When it makes a picture perfect
Dancing with a million stars..
Do you ever wonder if it's just a ploy
to hide its numerous scars..?

While watching this splendid sight
as the night takes its own course
Does it ever strike you that
It too might be living,a life like yours?

When you are standing lonely in a crowd
and you retreat into an invisible zone..
Do you ever give it a thought
that it might be just as alone..?

For there's always a story hidden
behind every happy face..
When like the enigmatic moon above
We all feel.....Out of place!