And when I look back..

Life is like a book: what matters is how good it is, not how long it is.

All my life I was the little Alice in wonderland, falling down the rabbit hole hesitantly towards one adventure after the other.. living the reality out of my twisted imagination..

Today I feel, maybe I am just the queen of hearts..

Who liked to celebrate her birthday backwards.

The Excess Baggage

Packing has always been a painful experience for me. Somehow my judgment of things is just not as critical as my judgment of people.. If packing was a trade, I would certainly be at the topmost level, of sucking at it.. for there's a thin line between the stuff that you want in your life and the stuff that you actually need..

And I just keep losing track of which side I am on.. Cause for me, what I want.. is what I need... So what if it's just for the sense of assurance that it's right there within reach if ever I need it..

So when today I sat out to pack for my trip back home, the memories of my last very sad visit to the airport came back haunting me and it got me thinking.. How much of your life can you pack.. in 20kgs?? Few clothes, basic necessities, a good pair of shoes.. is all that you need to carry, from your past? And is it all that you want?

There's been a joke in my family about me being a junkie.. quite in a literal sense for my inclination towards turning every place I go to into a Junkyard. There was a time I would pick up every interesting looking thing from all over the roads and put it carefully in my own kingdom of dump collection. Later it was books, articles, newspaper cut outs that I would never read again.. Letters, Gifts & Cards from people I would never meet again.. Clothes & shoes that I would never wear again..

And then there was time I had to leave home & everything behind to live my life out of a 20 kg luggage. And in no time this 20 would turn into 60 and I would be standing on crossroads of a dilemma- what to take & what to leave?

And then I learnt my first important lesson.. there's nothing you can hold on to forever.. Some day you have to let go.. Dispose of certain things to make room for others..

Seven years later.. I can not help but wonder if there's a 20 kg limit applicable to people in your life too? Is it true that when you are going to a new place, not only you pack your stuff.. but you try to pack people as well.. the ones you want to stay with you forever? And like we keep accumulating stuff over the years behind that closet, do we also accumulate the carcasses of our relationships, the memories of good times & the bad times behind a little corner in our minds..? And at what point in your life, does it cross the limit of allowed baggage? And what exorbitant price if you may, would you have to pay.. for the excess baggage??

I might never know the answers to these questions..

I might never know when to stop buying stuff I do not need or to stop loving people that are not there anymore..

I might never know if accepting the truth was a right thing to do.. or should I have fought harder..

I might never know when will I stop hoping.. or if I have already stopped..

But what I know is.. Life is not that bad... And even when nothing we would ever achieve would be able to replace what we have lost along the way.. the friends, the confidantes, long phone calls, late night chats, tears & laughter, lucky mugs,  wit & humor, curiosity, compassion, ability to love, or that feeling of trust and belonging...  We still have the capacity to be happy with our own selves and our 20 kgs of baggage.. for good things are waiting to happen to all of us.. We just have to make room for them.

And clear out the excess baggage..

Little food for thought..

" You know why are you so alone!" She said to him in sheer exasperation.

" Coz, you don't let anyone come close.."

"And you know why are you so alone..?" he asked smiling.


"Coz.. you do. "

Sin

.

The greatest sin that I ever committed.. was against - Myself,


The day I stopped asking.

Added later: Do read the comments to this post.

Life's tough!!!!!

There are somethings in life..on which no matter how much you ponder..you never get answers..Like..I could never understand why my family & friends think I'm naughty..coz the truth is..I'm not at all naughty..yeah,maybe a little destructive..n a little clumsy..but that's it..I'm NOT naughty!

I mean..What is this...If something breaks at home,my parents think it's me..If appliances start acting weird,they think I'm behind it...If phone bills skyrocket,they think it's me..If something's wrong with the computer,My bro thinks it's me..n If there's noise in the lobby at 3'oclock in the night,they won't think that a burglar might have broken in,they'll call out my name..:

& my friends?They get blank calls,they think it's me..(JS&VJ!)They start getting weird messages from a friend,they think it's my brain behind them(Vj again!)They start getting love ecards by the names of the classmates they hate,they think it's me!(HS!rmbr pulasto?)They won't give me their gf's numbers coz they think I'll call them & tell them about their previous affairs(BK!)They wont tell me about their crushes coz they think I'll kill them,teasing them!!& If I pay them a surprise visit & call them to meet me,they think I'm playing a prank & dont show up!!!(Vj,VA,Mr,KS,US!)

Now,isn't That heights!!!I mean,come on guys,give me a break!!

Yeah,fine..I blew up the Inverter 3 times,but that was by mistake!How Am i supposed to know we shouldnt use Iron,cooler & heater on Inverter???

Yeah..okay..We got a phone bill worth 7000 bucks for 2 months once,but I swear I didnt do anything!!How am I supposed to know that Reliance has 30 Rs. per hour as their Internet charges??And anyway..Do you expect me to be using Net thaaaaaaaaaaat much???Come on!!!!

& well..yeah..I'm awake at 3 at times,but I dont disturb anyone's sleep knowingly..Infact,I don't switch on the lights purposely,so as to not to disturb anyone..Now when it's so dark,I accidentally collide with things & they fall!!& very very accidentally I step on our dog's feet & he shrieks at the top of his voice!!Now is it my fault???Why does he have to be so black??& why does he have to sleep at the places I walk on?

& blank calls..come on!All I did was to send some 20-30 messages to HS & some 30-40 missed calls to JS from my new number..BIg dEAL!!I never sent messages & crank calls to VJ!!
Okay,I sent some ecards to KG under someone else's name but I had nothing to do with the ones sent to HS!

And that day..I had actually come to malls to meet you guys.Fine..I was lying when I called you to sahara..& When I asked you to come to Dts,I was lying then also..BUt how could you not believe me when I had asked you people to come to metros..??Yeah,okay..I was lying then too..coz all this while I was sitting in the food court near PVR sipping kesar lassi..;)But what If I wasn't lying????& I got you people to talk to my bro to show my honesty & you guys said I asked I threatened some passer by to do that for me!!!Come on guys,how low can you people fall??& all that when we had parked our car just in front of yours!!!Shame on you guys!!!;)

And,as far as teasing is concerned..You tell me VA,Did I ever tease you by the names of all the guys you have ever spoken with in 3rd year????& VJ Did I ever tease you by the names of TM,VA,KS,US,MR,SV,SP,AS???& MR Did I ever ask youwhat's M into M & did I ever mention brown shirt in front of you???

As if all this wasnt enough..My sister says I'm a devil in a buffalo's body..just because I..........D'oh!!!

Sigh...Trust me guys..when you have friends n family like mine..

Life's tough!!!;)