The God's little Angel...

She opened her eyes
to a world of fairies,
dancing mermaids and
never ending magic..
Pure and innocent..
She was God's little Angel.

She sailed across the seas
playing with dolphins,
making castles in the sand and
marking her territory..
Ever exuberant..
She was God's little Angel.

She made friends out of strangers
with her delightful smile,
leaving them overjoyed and
enamored with her innocence..
lovingly flamboyant..
She was God's little Angel.

She was met instead with a
world of unkindness,
which broke her heart and
laughed at its pieces..
Aching to be loved..
She was God's little Angel.

She shed many an unseen tears
over her shattered dreams,
But she embellished in her pain and
wrote beautiful poetry..
aloof yet alluring..
She was God's little Angel.

She sure wasn't the kind
to drown in self pity,
who could give up on life and
kill the love she had inside..
knowing and determined..
She was God's little Angel.

So she gathered her clipped wings
tended them with care,
Lifted her chin up and
slowly started to fly again..
scared yet impassioned..
She was God's little Angel.

And now she still spreads love
wherever she goes,
rubbing off her charm on others and
touching lives of everyone..
She sure has a magic wand..
For she is God's little Angel.

For Umang, on her Birthday.

The demons within..

Of all the challenges life throws your way,
of all the fights you'll ever be in..
The ones you'll have with your own self,
are going to be the hardest to win..

For there are times when it's not the world..
piercing your soul with its ruthless eyes..
It's when you seem worthless to your own self,
that a thousand tears your heart cries..

Those days when everything seems to go wrong..
forcing you to question your might..
How is it when your own reflection tells you,
You are not good enough, not bright..

The times when it's you pulling yourself down..
deliberately holding onto your pain..
When you decide not to take the next step,
scared that you might fall again..

Tell me, what are you going to do..
When you turn out to be your biggest foe?
You might run away from the whole world but,
how far from yourself will you be able to go?

The despair which sets in,
like a ferocious beast out on prowl..
Feeding on shattered pieces of your spirit,
Priding itself on a murder most foul..

If only we could kill just as easily,
the demons dwelling in our heads..
The way our parents shoved away,
the ghosts hidden under our beds..

Happy Valentine's Day!

When love is real.. and hearts are true..
Every day becomes valentine's for you.. no? ;)

I do not believe in these celebrations.. but still.. I do believe in love of those who do..


So, to those.. who are in love...
and to those, who once were..
To those.. who believe in love..
and to those who do not..
To those.. who are expecting flowers & chocolates at their doorsteps..
and to those.. who will be paying for them.. :D
To those.. who are unsure of their feelings..
and to those.. who are scared of letting these feelings known..
To those.. who have a special someone..
and to those.. who do not..
To those.. who want to have their love last forever..
and to those.. who had it once and lost..
To those.. who'll be having candle lit dinners tonight..
and to those.. who'll be watching romantic flicks on their couches.. alone.. ;) :D
To those.. who'll be celebrating their commitment today..
and to those.. who'll enter one..
To those.. who'll send each other dark red cards.. :D
and to those.. who'll hide their love notes under their pillows.. ;)
To those.. who are waiting for someone special to come along..
and to those.. who are scared of being loved..
To those.. who'll be together walking hand in hand..
and to those.. who'll be connected only through their feelings..

Here's wishing you all, a Very Happy Valentine's Day..

And for the rest... Time for us to treat ourselves..
To give ourselves a gift, no one else could give us..
"Let's begin.. to love ourselves, before anyone else.."

Of a love long lost & Memoirs of a Geisha

I wonder if it often happens to people, when they develop an inexplicable aversion towards the things they like doing the most. Whether it is because these activities stop providing us with that pleasure over the years or because over this long while.. we are not the people anymore what we used to be. I certainly don't know..

When I look back at the time when I used to read almost anything I could get my hands on, I wonder why don't I derive such joy out of reading anymore. But every once in a long while, when I stumble upon a book which I'm actually able to finish.. I wonder if it's me who's reading the book.. or is it the book which is making me read it.

Memoirs of a Geisha.. is more than just a fascinating narrative of the life of a Geisha, as the critics claim. It certainly isn't about a life which was unusual. It's also not about unusual characters. The strength and also the essence of the book is the fact.. that behind the intriguing grandeur and subtle darkness of the subject.. lie simple people led by simple emotions in rather unusual circumstances.

The major reason which makes the book gripping however, remains to be author's entrance into a territory rather unknown & fascinating just because of its outlandish & foreign appeal. For the people who love traveling & exploring new places & new culture, the book is indeed a visual treat in some ways.

The transformation of little Chiyo chan to Nitta Sayuri covers most of the book.. while the events later on are wrapped up rather fast, especially the ending which rather looks hurried & extremely tasteless. A little girl from a little fishing village who was sold off by her father to a life of loneliness & misery.. after fighting the ordeals of pain, separation, uncertainty and suppression goes onto become a prominent Geisha.. led by a mysterious encounter with a stranger. That display of kindness actually charted her whole life and all the major events in the book. . However, the magnitude of the passion which that event ignited is rather indigestible at many occasions. But you have to give such leeway to fiction, I guess.

All the characters have this mysterious intriguing nature about them. You often wish you could know more about them & wonder about their points of view. But, the character of Mameha as Sayuri's mentor & Nobu as her suitor were the most touching. Mameha with her grace & Nobu with his crude gentleness & affection never fail to make an impression. And there's something about Pumpkin which grows onto you.

The narrative is simple & sans too much unnecessary clutter. Even when it's in the form of memoirs.. it lacks the mundaneness and innate self gratification surrounding an autobiography. It's just like somebody talking to you about the major events of his/her life. And here the author takes the cake.. and the accolades.

Triggered by the appetite for reading which was since long dormant.. I'm reading the Divine secrets of the Ya-ya sisterhood now. And I'm not liking it one bit. And I again wonder.. whether it's a good reader that makes a good book or a good book brings out a good reader in us.

Well, I'll never know.

Little food for thought..

" You know why are you so alone!" She said to him in sheer exasperation.

" Coz, you don't let anyone come close.."

"And you know why are you so alone..?" he asked smiling.


"Coz.. you do. "

Of boredom and a khoya khoya chand..

A lazy afternoon in one of the oldest halls in India..
Lots of empty seats, and lots of desperate & not so desperate couples..
Movie starts rolling and you are glued to the screen like you are sleeping with your eyes wide open..
As the movie progresses, hush hush about how boring the flick is becomes as prominent as the dialogues..
Finally people around you start to get up and leave the hall in between..
Sonia gives a chuckle in between her yawns and waves her hand in front of my yet wide open eyes suspecting I went into a trance..
"So, how did you find the movie?", she asks grinning..
"Ummm... It depends, you know it's like.."
"why don't you straightaway say it was boring?", said a friend back home.

There could be many reasons behind someone liking a movie not everybody likes.. For one, it could be because you are a weird person with weird tastes.. or maybe cause the plot interests you no matter how poorly it's presented.. or like in my case.. you are more in awe of the emotions behind and in the film than the film itself.. More than being engrossed you are just fascinated..

Coming back to "Khoya khoya Chand", it's a good portrayal of vintage cinema, if not one of the best.
I'm not much into learning about the muck in film industry, the casting couch, the exquisite dresses, the liquor, pseudo intellectualism and its display in filmy parties..
But the tale of hope and broken promises, struggle to keep your pride and seeing it bite dust in front of your eyes, lies, deception, the two faces, love, hate, success, downfall, frustration, the giving up, the coming back.. isn't it what makes the plot of picture of every profession, heightened probably in the Page 3 world?

When you see the nubile Nikhat(Soha) looking sheepishly behind the curtains at the shooting of a song, you see dreams..
When you see the superstar Prem Kumar(Rajat Kapoor) displaying his genius off the camera, you see power..
When you see the fearless Zafar(shiney Ahuja) blatantly mocking the stereotypes, you see fire..
When you see the omnipresent Sharmal(Vinay Pathak) standing up for Zafar, you see friendship..

The story revolves around these four characters.. and in the second half you see how they go about losing everything they achieved.. changing circumstances.. changing people..

When you see tears rolling down the eyes of Zafar making a film of his dreams on his life, you see passion..
And when you see the smile on his face when this film bombs at the box office, on people asking him how hew felt on seeing his film being turned down by everyone, you see pain..
When you see him asking his girlfriend to aid him in getting producers and lashing at her on her refusal, you see weakness..
And when you see him crying in front of his woman, saying he can't take it anymore, you see what failure does to people.. and how difficult it is to hold on..

When you see Nikhat becoming a puppet to everyone she cared for, you see the price of success.. and of love..
When you see her succumbing to drinking and finally see her downfall, you see that nothing is forever..
And When you see the look in her eyes when she surrenders herself to the man she loved, you see hope.. you see redemption..

And when you are able to see that in a flick that seems to be lasting forever.. that means two things.. One, the act put up by the actors was too good.. two, you are thinking too much lately.

I slept while watching "Hazaro khwahishein aisi..", maybe because I was too tired.. or bored.. don't know. :D So can't really comment on Sudhir Mishra. Though I feel bad about it now. For a fraction of second when Om shanti Om flashes through your mind.. you see the clear difference.. of portrayal..
But then there were some things.. like it being too long..(or it just seemed to be.. don't remember) lousy last half an hour.. and a script going haywire.. which spoiled the essence of the film. Sets are beautiful.. one of the most impressive works in cinematography that I've seen in recent times. A good sketch of the cinema in 60s. Not magnanimous but yet appealing. Lovely songs and nicely placed.

Surprise package of the film is Soha.. looking gorgeous.. looking graceful.. vulnerable and her diction.. It's funny, how these stars can't speak a line of hindi without an accent off the camera and how flawless they are in front of it. I guess, that's what acting is all about..

Oh, how was the movie..?
You see, it depends..
on what you see in it..

Sin

.

The greatest sin that I ever committed.. was against - Myself,


The day I stopped asking.

Added later: Do read the comments to this post.