Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Pain..


I'm not good at writing about pain. I'm not good at reading about it either. Yet, it's just pain that I feel these days. And I'm tired of waiting. Tired of waiting for that perfect idea that would transform into a perfect piece of writing to give me that creative satisfaction which I so wrongly long for. Tired of keeping myself busy with all the things that don't matter. Tired of these tiny notches of useless thoughts clouding my mind all day and vanishing just the moment I sit to write, to have me wildly searching for anything.. any word.. any damn thing.. Like now.. Like everytime I try to write..


I'm yet to encounter a feeling more painful than repeatedly trying to succeed at something and failing. Of course there's one at nights when you feel your life is going nowhere. One where you so desperately want to speak to someone and have nobody to call. One where you feel so terribly alone and inconsequential to this world. The one where you are desperately trying to hold onto things which are slipping by in front of you knowing very well there's nothing you can do about it.. One where you muster the courage to give something your best shot only to see it falling to pieces, making you feel like a loser. And the one where you are lying in your bed tightly hugging your pillow hoping that someone would come and hug you just as hard and for a moment all this would stop mattering.


This one moment when you don't want to fight anymore.. you just want to be, saved.

7 comments:

innocense of a smile said...

One where you feel so terribly alone and inconsequential to this world. The one where you are desperately trying to hold onto things which are slipping by in front of you knowing very well there's nothing you can do about it..


U r talented yaaa....can hardly wait for a novel from u...!! plz mk it soon n end the agony for me here..lov ya girl!!
tc

humbl devil said...

you dont have to anything..just have patience and hope for the best...
wait a minute..whose blogger name is eternal optimista???
:D
who am i kidding???

come on, cheer up gal...
everything will be fyn...=)

Eternal Optimista said...

@ Inno.. Dramaqueen. :-P

@ HD.. come on, cheer up gal...
everything will be fyn...=)


That's precisely why I don't write about pain. I hope you know what I mean. ;-)

Winnie the poohi said...

Sometimes.. all you can do is say me too!!

umangexuberance said...

hmmm...painful indeed...
when u r in pain the worse thing people can do to u is ask u to cheer up...coz hello u are not dumb.. you already know you should cheer up and if you could you would very well have done that instead of feeling this Godforsaken pain.
so feel it till it lasts and then u know what to do
tc

Anonymous said...

expect the worst and u'll never be disappointed (:

Ananta said...

dear suni:)

read ur blog after a long long time...life aint that bad sweety...u feel lonely at times:)...but u see its this growning age and when u try being happy with things around trust me u are never gonna be this lonely..

look around there are too many beautiful people around...ur mom,dad, and ur siblings...

and the perfect Man is yet to come..when he will u will miss these moments later...so enjoy now...or its never:)
regards,
Ananta