Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Of boredom and a khoya khoya chand..

A lazy afternoon in one of the oldest halls in India..
Lots of empty seats, and lots of desperate & not so desperate couples..
Movie starts rolling and you are glued to the screen like you are sleeping with your eyes wide open..
As the movie progresses, hush hush about how boring the flick is becomes as prominent as the dialogues..
Finally people around you start to get up and leave the hall in between..
Sonia gives a chuckle in between her yawns and waves her hand in front of my yet wide open eyes suspecting I went into a trance..
"So, how did you find the movie?", she asks grinning..
"Ummm... It depends, you know it's like.."
"why don't you straightaway say it was boring?", said a friend back home.

There could be many reasons behind someone liking a movie not everybody likes.. For one, it could be because you are a weird person with weird tastes.. or maybe cause the plot interests you no matter how poorly it's presented.. or like in my case.. you are more in awe of the emotions behind and in the film than the film itself.. More than being engrossed you are just fascinated..

Coming back to "Khoya khoya Chand", it's a good portrayal of vintage cinema, if not one of the best.
I'm not much into learning about the muck in film industry, the casting couch, the exquisite dresses, the liquor, pseudo intellectualism and its display in filmy parties..
But the tale of hope and broken promises, struggle to keep your pride and seeing it bite dust in front of your eyes, lies, deception, the two faces, love, hate, success, downfall, frustration, the giving up, the coming back.. isn't it what makes the plot of picture of every profession, heightened probably in the Page 3 world?

When you see the nubile Nikhat(Soha) looking sheepishly behind the curtains at the shooting of a song, you see dreams..
When you see the superstar Prem Kumar(Rajat Kapoor) displaying his genius off the camera, you see power..
When you see the fearless Zafar(shiney Ahuja) blatantly mocking the stereotypes, you see fire..
When you see the omnipresent Sharmal(Vinay Pathak) standing up for Zafar, you see friendship..

The story revolves around these four characters.. and in the second half you see how they go about losing everything they achieved.. changing circumstances.. changing people..

When you see tears rolling down the eyes of Zafar making a film of his dreams on his life, you see passion..
And when you see the smile on his face when this film bombs at the box office, on people asking him how hew felt on seeing his film being turned down by everyone, you see pain..
When you see him asking his girlfriend to aid him in getting producers and lashing at her on her refusal, you see weakness..
And when you see him crying in front of his woman, saying he can't take it anymore, you see what failure does to people.. and how difficult it is to hold on..

When you see Nikhat becoming a puppet to everyone she cared for, you see the price of success.. and of love..
When you see her succumbing to drinking and finally see her downfall, you see that nothing is forever..
And When you see the look in her eyes when she surrenders herself to the man she loved, you see hope.. you see redemption..

And when you are able to see that in a flick that seems to be lasting forever.. that means two things.. One, the act put up by the actors was too good.. two, you are thinking too much lately.

I slept while watching "Hazaro khwahishein aisi..", maybe because I was too tired.. or bored.. don't know. :D So can't really comment on Sudhir Mishra. Though I feel bad about it now. For a fraction of second when Om shanti Om flashes through your mind.. you see the clear difference.. of portrayal..
But then there were some things.. like it being too long..(or it just seemed to be.. don't remember) lousy last half an hour.. and a script going haywire.. which spoiled the essence of the film. Sets are beautiful.. one of the most impressive works in cinematography that I've seen in recent times. A good sketch of the cinema in 60s. Not magnanimous but yet appealing. Lovely songs and nicely placed.

Surprise package of the film is Soha.. looking gorgeous.. looking graceful.. vulnerable and her diction.. It's funny, how these stars can't speak a line of hindi without an accent off the camera and how flawless they are in front of it. I guess, that's what acting is all about..

Oh, how was the movie..?
You see, it depends..
on what you see in it..

Friday, November 02, 2007


The greatest sin that I ever committed.. was against - Myself,

The day I stopped asking.

Added later: Do read the comments to this post.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I won't surrender..

However beaten it may be,
You can't keep it under..
My soul's not for keeps,
It just won't surrender..

You said I won't survive,
In your world I don't belong..
You thought I would crumble,
That I was just not that strong..

Every time I rose to fly,
You tried to tie me down..
In shallow waters of mediocrity,
You wanted me to drown..

You mocked my innocence,
laughed at my wide-eyed dreams..
you painted my world black,
When I was looking at violets & greens..

The innocence is now gone,
& I don't dream any longer..
But the desire to hold on,
Has only become stronger..

I know I made mistakes
Infact I still do..
But never will I let again,
Myself be led by you..

Though I'm yet to prove myself,
Am not scared of you anymore..
I know my moment will come,
The one I've been waiting for..

So no matter how many times I fumble,
On this road, I'll keep walking..
For there, right behind my door,
I can see happiness knocking..!

Me against the world.. or me against myself..
Against whom the fight is.. I wonder..
But I know I'll win at the end..
for till then, I just won't surrender..

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Of bicycles & tags..

Once upon a time.. when I was a kid.. ;) I used to ride a ladybird..(The bicycle silly! ;) ) For years I pedalled away to glory.. falling on rails to falling on roads, falling in mud to fracturing my bones.. and I became an expert.. at falling.

Few years later.. when I was a proud owner of a well shattered scooty, thanks to my expertise in "falling", a new bicycle was brought home for my younger sister.
"Can you still ride one?" asked my mom.
"Ahuh? I don't know, I can't. It's been years since I rode one."
"Come on. You can. People who once learn to ride, never forget. And you were so good. Get up, give it a try."

After some more nudging, frowning and raised eyebrows, I finally got up & took the seat. My mom gave me a reassuring smile. Two 360 degrees revolution of the damned wheels, n I fell flat on the floor! I didn't touch the thing again.

Today, when I was given this tag by not one but two of my greatest chums, I felt quite the same way as when I touched that cycle.. for after months of absence from the blogging scene, I was sure that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't write again.. So, after some nudging, frowning, raised eyebrows and you-were-so-good speech, I'm ready to ride again.. and to fall. :)

Umang, Neel n Nikki, this crap is for you! :-*

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.

There's a 3 inch long 2 inch wide scar on my left arm which I have from the time I had just started to sit. It was when my little, ingenious self found an interesting gaming partner in a container containing boiling milk. Rest is left to the imagination. :P Doodh ki jali hui hoon.. isiliye chhachh bhi fook fook ke peeti hoon.. :P :P

2. What does your phone look like?

Like a happy happy pet in the company of a large hearted & loving owner. Takes an hour to accept the enhancement.. has fallen a hundred times.. doesn't ring at its own will.. battery keeps on trying to fall out.. stickers are gone.. has to be hit on wall to make its speakers work.. body's a little..ehm.. These things kept aside.. my babyy is just doing fine. :)

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?

You mean here in hostel? Nothing, a sick white paint & we have green doors you know, to give us the hospital feel. They are actually making doctors out of engineers. ;) We aren't allowed to put anything on the walls so as to not to blemish the fair n lovely texture of the walls. I once made a friend gift me a king size poster of Will smith on my birthday which I put up behind my room's door so that no one finds out, real fun was when once I heard hush-hush n giggling sounds coming from my room, barging in to find 4 maids crowded near it like school girls. Has to be one of the funniest incidents of my life!
At home.. it's the paintings I made.. on the walls. I'm good with brush.. really. :P

4. What is your current desktop picture?

A Ganesha wallpaper it was before the CPU was sent to a hardware shop a month ago from where it hasn't yet returned.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?

Yes. Every human being has a right to love, be loved and consummate that relationship into marriage with anyone he/she chooses to.

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

A watermelon. :P
Okay, patience and will power to stick to & finish anything I start.

7. What time were you born?

Sometime between wee hours of the morning and midnight.
That's how my mom remembers it. ;)

8. Are your parents still together?

Yes. They are. Still together n still young n still in love n still the best of friends n still incompatible. ;)

9. Last person who made you cry?

Abhishek Bachhan.. when he got married.. ;)

10. What is your favorite perfume / cologne?

I'm the kind of person you'll find with almost 6 bottles in her hands asking the little dark shopboys, "Bhaiyya, in mei se kaun sa sabse achha hai??" :-P A few years ago, had found one particular fragrance suiting my persona, I absolutely loved the tester. The company went out-of-business the next day. Stopped using Johnson's baby powder when someone said "Tum ab tak baby powder lagaati ho?" :- Now I just keep on experimenting with talcs n stuff. Using fa these days n Kind of love Amitabh bachhan lomani.

11. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like in the opposite sex?

Pink! I have a thing for guys with pink hair n purple eyes. D'oh!

12. What are you listening to?

The voices.. inside my head. :)

13. Do you get scared of the dark?

No. Can't say the same for dark though. ;)

14. Do you like pain killers?

It's like asking a student like me a night before exam- "Hey you, do you like books?" Ofcourse, I don't. But I'll still pick them up if I want to pass. If the pain becomes unbearable, I'll take one. Otherwise, why bother.

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

I often wonder if shyness is actually an euphemism for fear of rejection or for pride.
In either case, yes.

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

Dominoes' cheese burst Pizza with the free garlic bread & cheese dip.

17. Who was the last person who made you mad?

Never mind! I get angry too easily and too often.

18. Who was the last person who made you smile?

VJ & KS, when they promised me two temptations.. Yippee!! :D :D :D

19. Is someone in love with you?

Someone knows better! ;)
Jokes apart, I seriously think our pet turtle is in love with me.. Everytime I go home n take it out of water to play it curls itself up inside its shell out of shyness.. He's pretty cool with everyone at home, but as soon as I pick him up n hold him upside down.. it just refuses to face me.. Dunno why! :">

Phew!! Finally done & over with! Damn, am I talkative? :D
Okay I pass on this tag to Paras. Rest anyone can take up this tag if you have lot of idle time like I do.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

All in the name of love...

I guess am jinxed... Coz People around me keep falling in love.. :D
n sadly... out of it...

I'll be honest.. I don't understand love.. atleast, not the way these people do.. My understanding is limited to what I've seen through their eyes.. n what I've felt.. through their pain..

This poem goes out to them.. n to all those who loved n love.. Their experiences in my words.. Being one eternal optimist, I hate to admit it.. But I know.. it's all true.. :)

When your heart aches for no reason,
& you feel your life stinks,
When happiness looks elusive
& your eyes well up with tears..

When you start shrinking from the world
& you think no one would understand,
When all you do is daydream
& stare at the phone since it last rang..

When you are everywhere yet nowhere
& night forces you to sleep,
When all pleasures look shallow
& something cries within you deep..

When you find yourself helpless
at the way things are going,
When you lock yourself up in your room
While whole world's out enjoying..

When everything reminds of someone
& you start to lose your focus,
When melody loses a meaning for you
& everything tests your patience..

This is the dark side of love
Don't go by its name,
Love's not always beautiful
as some lucky ones might claim..

For sometimes it leaves your heart
with so profound a pain,
That every wordly pleasure
to you looks mundane..

All I want to say is that
Give your heart away with care,
for no matter how many years go by
The scars are always there!!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Back to basics..!

Finally.. I'm here..
It's been really long since I last wrote.. But, it's not the reason for me to write today..
I'm not writing coz at this moment I don't have anything better to do..
You see, am lying cozily in my bed.. & I can doze off at any moment I want..
I have a novel to finish since ages, & I can finish it..
I've got a lot of home assignments to take care of from class..
I can also scheme a bank robbery in my head, which could possibly make me very rich..
I can philosophise about ways of the world n feel pity for those who don't like chocolate.. :D
I can look back upon my life & try to remember what I was doing at this time of the day 3 years ago.. ( I was sleeping probably, but still...!!!)
I can think about my future & guess what I'll be doing at this time of the day 3 years from now.. ( I'ld be sleeping probably, but still...!!!)
I can think about who should I blackmail to go to a lousy movie with me a week before exams.. & work upon the grounds as to what do I blackmail with..
I can lie down & stare at the ceiling n practice hypnotism on Mosquitoes.. 'Don't bite me..' 'Go bite Paris Hilton' or better still.. 'You are not a mosquito..You are Paris Hilton..'
I can try being creative n write an essay on.. "If I were a lamp-post.." or "If I were a stiletto.." or "If I were a Motorbike.." or better still.. "If I were all these things...say, a motorbike wearing stilettos under a lamp-post.." :D
I can wonder about how long would it take for me to burst if I had a hot chocolate fudge every other day..
I can try to mentally calculate what will be the 76.345% of 187th part of the product of the cubes of first 38 natural numbers raised to the power 4999..
I can make a list of all the movies I've watched more than twice,all the movies I haven't watched more than twice,all the movies I can watch more than twice,all the movies I can't watch more than twice..all the movies I.. :D
I can start writing my own bestseller on.. "How to waste time in 1000 most efficient ways.."
I can look for things I've lost in my 3 yr stay in the hostel.. and if I find them, keep them in a place where I can't find them again..
I can make a list of all the people I want to kill, take voodoo lessons online n kill them.. *eeeehaahaa haa*
I can make a fake id, go to a regional chat room, bad mouth at everyone & run away..
I can clean my room.. *yawwwwwwn...*
I can go downstairs & make all girls unable to watch ekta kapoor's serials for tomorrow by cutting the cable's wire from a place where no one can find out..
I can go to my sleeping friends' room, pick up their cellphones from near their heads,exchange their sims or I could just change the phone numbers of their guy pals n ENJOI in the college tomorrow..
Or I can wake them up at this hour, blame them for stealing my cell phone n then photograph the look on their faces with it..
I can call up all my friends n tell them that I've been kicked out from the hostel for bad behaviour & now I've no place to lodge in,n start crying.. n then when they are about to say anything... yell.."BELATED April fooooool...!!!!" /) :D
I can prepare for the presentation I have tomorrow.. or for the one which is 3 days later..
I can go stare in the mirror n tell myself.. "I'm a well disciplined person.I know how to manage my time efficiently.I'm a competent n hardworking person.I'm a very sweet girl.I'm charming n polite.I never get angry.I'm very patient & diligent.I hate sweets & I hate chocolate fudges.I study regularly.I....."
I can go to market n buy a feviquick to fix the broken stylus of my cell, so that I don't need to use my nails to operate it..
I can do planchette n call spirits n ask them, when will I become the President of USA..
I can write fan mail to Will smith :inlove:
I can reply to my fan mail.. :"> :P
I can sketch portraits... of myself.. :P
I can make an effort to introspect n find out why I'm the way I am.. get depressed.. n promise myself to do something about it.. from 1st of the next month..
I can think.......... about anything I wish..!

So you see.. I have the potential & the freedom to spend my time in whatever way I wish to..
But then, why have I dragged my super lazy ass to write this super shitty piece of crap.. ?

-- For the heck of it!! :D

PS: There's a big difference between everyone's --> *I can do*, *I will do* n *I have done...*. Period. :)

Friday, February 02, 2007

Pebbles on the Seashore...

I started out to think.. that this is my story..
But when I moved on further I realised that it's not..

No poem belongs to one person.. n this is the most beautiful thing about poetry.. In few words, it can capture the lives & sentiments of many..

This is strange how everyone shares this element of similarity even while juggling with one's own uniqueness.. How everyone wants to blend in.. This poem is nothing but an idea.. a thought blended into rhyme.. you might have felt the same at some point of your life.. or you might have seen this idea somewhere else.. in someone else's words.. But, the core remains the same.. n It always will be n that is..

You are Unique.. just like everyone else.. :)

I've flowers blooming around me
& birds flying high in the sky,
There's so much to be happy about
but still I find myself so dry..

As the world moves swiftly in front of me
I'm standing here all alone,
Thinking if it will lose its pace
When I will be dead & gone..

Will I be remembered with love
like the essence of a breeze,
Or will I be forgotten
the way leaves wither away from trees..

Will the winds stop blowing
Will the rainbow lose its charms,
Will the sky miss me standing below it
Opening wide my arms..

Will the sun reduce its intensity
Will it stop shining bright,
Will the stars & the moon miss me too
gazing at them at night..

Will the earth stop spinning for a moment
& notice my absence,
For all I did was to live a life
without making any difference..

For I lived like a stubborn tide
crashing at random places,
Trying to embrace anonymity
scared of my different faces..

Tried to suppress my individuality
wanted to get lost in the crowd,
Always trying to keep them happy
while my own soul cried out loud..

I always tried to become
what others wanted me to be,
In pursuit of their love
I stopped loving real me..

When the truth basked upon me
like a sudden blow,
I broke into a hundred pieces
Didn't know where to go..

But life's not meant for crying
for nurturing hurt & pain,
With a new sense of purpose & hope
My new journey began..

When bad times come to break you
It's only to strengthen your core,
Coz no matter how tall a rock stands
It has to turn into pebbles to reach the seashore...